When a child is struggling with behaviour, the first question should not always be:
“How do we stop this behaviour?”
A more useful question may be:
“What is this behaviour trying to tell us?”
In this episode of The Muddy Puddle Teacher Podcast, we talk with Sarah Emerson from Childhood Understood about behaviour, big feelings, neurodiversity, emotional regulation, play and why adults may need to move away from control-based approaches.
Sarah’s work focuses on helping parents, schools and local authorities understand the root causes behind children’s behaviour and big emotions.
The central message is simple:
When we understand what is happening underneath the behaviour, our response can move from control to compassion.
Listen in Now: Sarah Emmerson, Childhood Understood
Buy Sarah’s Book: Childhood Understood
Why Do Children Display Challenging Behaviour?
Behaviour is communication.
Children may appear angry, defiant, disruptive or withdrawn for many different reasons.
They may be overwhelmed.
They may be hungry.
They may need movement.
The environment may be too noisy.
A routine may have changed.
They may be experiencing sensory overload.
They may not understand what is expected of them.
They may simply not yet have the skills to regulate the feelings they are experiencing.
When a child enters a fight, flight or freeze response, expecting them to respond calmly to adult instructions may be unrealistic.
Instead of immediately asking how we can control the behaviour, Sarah encourages adults to become curious about what the child needs.
What Is Emotional Regulation?
Emotional regulation is a child’s developing ability to manage feelings, sensory input and responses to situations.
Young children are not born knowing how to regulate themselves.
They develop these skills through supportive relationships with adults.
This is why the adult response matters so much.
Before expecting a child to regulate themselves, we may need to help them feel safe.
That might mean reducing sensory input, offering movement, creating predictable routines or simply changing the way we communicate.
The podcast discussion emphasises that a sense of safety is one of the most important foundations for regulation, particularly for neurodivergent children.
Why Does the Environment Affect Children’s Behaviour?
Sometimes we focus heavily on changing the child when we should also be looking at the environment.
Is the classroom too busy?
Is there too much visual stimulation?
Is the noise level overwhelming?
Does the child have opportunities to move?
Do they have somewhere quiet to regulate?
Are basic needs being met?
Sarah suggests that classrooms should be designed to be regulating rather than overwhelming.
Adults can continually consider whether children’s basic needs for sensory input, routine, food, movement and emotional safety are being supported.
Listen in Now: Sarah Emmerson, Childhood Understood
Should Classrooms Be More Stripped Back?
A calmer classroom does not mean an empty classroom.
It means being more intentional.
Too much colour, too many displays, too many resources and too much sensory stimulation can make some environments difficult for children to process.
Sometimes reducing what is available can improve play.
Open-ended resources such as loose parts can encourage imagination and creativity without giving children a predetermined outcome.
During the podcast, we discuss the value of stripping back provision, using loose parts and increasing outdoor play, rather than relying on increasingly complex commercial resources.
Explore Loose Parts Play EYFS: The Complete Guide
Explore Outdoor Play EYFS: The Complete Guide
Why Is Play Important for Young Children?
Children learn through play.
Through play they communicate, experiment, negotiate, imagine, move, repeat ideas and explore the world around them.
However, there can be increasing pressure to introduce formal academic expectations at younger ages.
The podcast discussion raises concerns about pushing formal phonics, mathematics and handwriting too early when these expectations replace play, creativity and developmentally appropriate experiences.
In particular, expecting very young children to complete formal handwriting tasks before their physical development is ready may work against the natural development of fine motor control and motivation.
Adults can instead create environments that allow children to follow their interests and use their natural drive to learn.
What Does Child-Led Learning Look Like?
Child-led learning does not mean adults do nothing.
The adult becomes a facilitator.
We provide the environment.
We observe.
We notice interests.
We introduce language.
We provide resources.
We help children feel safe.
Then we allow children enough space to develop their own ideas.
One child may spend time transporting objects.
Another may repeatedly build and knock down a structure.
Another may create an imaginative world from sticks and boxes.
Instead of immediately redirecting the play towards an adult-designed outcome, we can ask what the child may already be learning.
Why Should Adults Move From Control to Curiosity?
When children behave in ways adults find difficult, it is natural to want to regain control.
But control does not necessarily teach regulation.
Curiosity encourages us to look beneath the behaviour.
Instead of:
“Why are you doing this?”
We might begin thinking:
“What is making this difficult for you?”
Instead of:
“You need to calm down.”
We might think:
“What does your nervous system need right now?”
Instead of:
“You know the rules.”
We might ask:
“Does this child currently feel safe enough to follow them?”
Sarah’s approach is based on the idea that understanding the root cause changes the way adults respond.
Supporting Neurodivergent Children in School
Traditional classroom expectations do not work equally well for every child.
Some children need more movement.
Some need fewer sensory distractions.
Some need greater predictability.
Some need communication to be presented differently.
The discussion highlights how rigid curriculum expectations and classroom structures can make learning particularly difficult for neurodivergent pupils, while teachers themselves may feel constrained by the systems they are expected to follow.
Supporting neurodivergent children does not always require a completely different curriculum.
Sometimes small changes in environment, communication and adult expectations can significantly reduce stress.
Why Are Autistic Girls Sometimes Missed?
Autism can present differently in girls.
This can mean some autistic girls are recognised later or receive less appropriate support.
Children who are struggling can sometimes be described as difficult rather than understood as neurodivergent.
Sarah discusses the importance of changing this narrative.
Instead of seeing the child as difficult, adults can begin recognising that the child may simply experience and respond to the world differently.
Understanding neurodivergence can be important for protecting a child’s long-term mental health and sense of self.
What About the Transition to Secondary School?
The transition from primary to secondary school can be difficult.
Children move from relatively nurturing environments into settings that may involve more teachers, classrooms, expectations and transitions.
The podcast discussion raises the concern that some Year 6 children may begin displaying significant behavioural difficulties when they are not emotionally prepared for the shift.
This raises an important question:
Are we preparing children only academically, or are we preparing them socially and emotionally too?
Why Adult Regulation Matters
Children are affected by the adults around them.
A dysregulated adult may find it much harder to support a dysregulated child.
That means staff wellbeing is not separate from children’s wellbeing.
It is part of it.
Working in education can be emotionally demanding, particularly for neurodivergent staff.
Sarah recommends that educators consider their own sensory and emotional needs and create school cultures where adult regulation and wellbeing are valued alongside pupil support.
Practical Ways to Support a Dysregulated Child
Start with safety.
Reduce unnecessary sensory stimulation.
Use calm, predictable communication.
Consider hunger, tiredness, movement and sensory needs.
Avoid adding demands when a child is already overwhelmed.
Give children time.
Offer appropriate movement.
Provide quieter spaces.
Use routines where they are helpful.
Look at the environment as well as the behaviour.
Most importantly, approach the child with curiosity rather than assuming they are deliberately being difficult.
Can Outdoor Play Help With Regulation?
Outdoor play can provide children with greater opportunities for movement, sensory experiences and space.
For some children this can be highly regulating.
Children can carry, dig, climb, transport, build and explore.
Open-ended outdoor environments may also remove some of the pressure associated with highly structured classroom activities.
This does not mean outdoors will automatically work for every child.
Some children may find weather, noise or unpredictability difficult.
Provision should always be adapted to the individual child.
Discover Early Years Outdoor Learning: The Complete Guide
Explore Outdoor Learning and SEND
About Sarah Emerson and Childhood Understood
Sarah Emerson has worked in early years education since her early twenties and focuses particularly on children experiencing big feelings and behaviours.
Through Childhood Understood, Sarah works with parents, schools and local authorities to help adults understand why children behave in particular ways.
Her work emphasises emotional safety, regulation, compassion and understanding the root causes of behaviour.
Sarah is also the author of Childhood Understood: Keys to Behaviour and Big Feelings in the Early Years, which provides strategies for parents and professionals supporting children with complex emotions and behaviour.
Learn more: Childhood Understood
Listen to the Podcast
In this episode of The Muddy Puddle Teacher Podcast, we discuss behaviour, regulation, neurodiversity, play, outdoor learning, classroom environments, autistic girls, educator wellbeing and why children may need more compassion and less control.
Listen in Now: Sarah Emmerson, Childhood Understood
If you work with children who experience big feelings or behaviour that can be difficult to understand, this conversation offers a different place to start:
Do not begin with the behaviour.
Begin with the child.
Begin with safety.
Begin with curiosity.
And ask what they might be trying to communicate.
Explore More
Discover our guides to Outdoor Play EYFS, Loose Parts Play EYFS, Early Years Outdoor Learning and SEND Outdoor Learning, or sign up for the free Muddy Puddle Teacher® weekly magazine for practical ideas and support.
